Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
