my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Found your dick twin last night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
