sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
