I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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