marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
