Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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