she woke up with a sticky ear
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
