Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
