WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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