There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
