do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
