that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
