Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
