like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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