I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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