You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
did i just pee glitter
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize