look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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