My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
