We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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