How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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