think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
