So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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