Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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