i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
