everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
