i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
