I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
