Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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