The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
