I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
