Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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