Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
