I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
