2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
