I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
