I am puke
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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