So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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