My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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