Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
