Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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