Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
