Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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