Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
