We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
