he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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