yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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