Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
