It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
