Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
