I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
