But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
