big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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