craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
