Got a toothbrush?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
