Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
