I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize