Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
