census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
