I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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