hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
