Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
