u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
even my farts smell like vagina
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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