I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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