who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
