I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
