I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think your dad took our porno
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
