I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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