I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
