Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
