Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
