White coat. Heels.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
