TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
