have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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