Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
